paranoia of being sick

why focus on the details when the opposite is obvious?

i am a hypochondriac.

with any unusual symptom that decides to reveal itself comes a differential diagnosis. from the differential comes analysis of each symptom and how it ties in with the other symptoms. with each symptom comes a diagnosis and from every diagnosis comes comparison to other diagnosis. because of my lack of modern day medical lab equipment and scans, i resort to using simple tests and diagnostic procedures. for anything that could be related to gastro-instestinal problems, i observe the color, texture, buoyancy, consistency, and size of my bowel movements. for anything that could be dermatological, i apply pressure, observe through clear glass, and mark with pen. cardiovascular--simple exercise procedures; neurological--holistic analysis; respiratory--breathing exercises. 

people warn us premeds about medical student syndrome, hypochondriasis that arises during medical school. too late. 

don't get me wrong. i have learned countless things about myself, my body, and can list off lists of symptoms from countless obscure and general diseases. i know how to treat glossopharyngeal neuralgia and how to diagnose an atypical heartbeat. i can give you the symptoms of shock and the dangers of bacterial meningitis. all rare diseases that i would, statistically, never have.

hypochondriasis is not a fun thing to have. for many, hypochondriasis causes despair and intense anxiety. being rational and logical with an innovative imagination may be seen as merits in some sectors, but for me, it can run amuck quite quickly. 

when something arises for me, i know that it is a product of stress or anxiety. but i can't help but wonder if it is somehow related to a supervirus or genetic disorder. i realize that i am being illogical when self-diagnosing myself, and yet i still do it. i try to validate the reason i am having the symptoms. i want to be absolutely sure that what i have is what i have i know it is: stress and anxiety. 

so far, there has  never been a time when my symptoms pointed to anything other than anxiety. here is a site that details all the symptoms anxiety may camouflage itself in. i highly recommend everyone to check it out. 

anxiety and stress can take the form of any symptom. the treatment? relaxation, exercise, healthy nutrition, and conversation. there you go. 

at the base of all the problems, i think, is the fear of death. we are all human. we all rise and in time, we all fall. that void, that unknown horizon always looms, taking our friends, our family, our comrades. it's that unknown that scares us: we fear what we don't know. and with every wrong thing that occurs, every problem, we realize that we are fallible. and that scares us. it scares us that we can go from everything to nothing so quickly. illnesses make us feel so vulnerable and that we are. 

but there's a wide highway between illness and fear of illness. our fears are completely irrational. they are always full of inadequate speculation and based on a paucity of actual medical knowledge. the human body doesn't act like an elevator: pushing one button doesn't mean that it'll go to one floor. we have to view the body holistically. and that observation should be delegated to the physician. again, our anxieties and stress are usually the culprits. 

with realization and confidence, we should all be fine.